


Nowhere Else I Want To Be

by SoDoRoses (FairyChess)



Series: Queerplatonic LAMP Verse [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Agender Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Aromantic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Aromantic Logic | Logan Sanders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Arophobia, Other, Queerplatonic Relationships, Quoiromantic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:46:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27740962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChess/pseuds/SoDoRoses
Summary: Virgil thinks this conversation is long overdue.Logan and Roman wish they’d never felt like it needed to happen.
Relationships: queerplatonic Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Series: Queerplatonic LAMP Verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2029252
Comments: 23
Kudos: 194





	Nowhere Else I Want To Be

**Author's Note:**

> i know were in the middle of _Chipped Tea Sets_ but I was having Angsty Gray Aro Feelings so i decided to project to make myself feel better
> 
> The title is from For Keeps by Joy Harjo
> 
> virgil - quoiromantic asexual  
> patton - bellusromantic gray-ace  
> logan - non-SAM aromantic  
> roman - oriented (gay) aroace
> 
> thank you to @wisherbysharlight for beta reading!!! ~~and making me feel better about posting non-Pieces stuff when yall are waiting for it alksdjl~~

It wasn’t like Virgil was facing a firing squad – it was just Logan and Roman.

Logan, who was always so comforting and soothing no matter how anxious Virgil was. Roman, who swept them into embraces without warning but never made Virgil feel like they were being assailed. Both of them, who always had a moment to talk to Virgil, whether it was to talk them up for something important they had to do or talk them down from something that had already sent them spiraling, who Virgil had loved from afar for years, never knowing that they were closer than Virgil ever could have imagined.

Just their partners. No big deal.

Unless this ruined everything. Unless Virgil made it fall apart when it felt like it had barely begun, unless their inability to just – to just _figure it out_ sent both of them running because they might not want someone like _Virgil, someone_ whose orientation boiled down to confused screaming.

They were being a coward, but what else was new – skulking in the kitchen, waiting for an opening that they didn’t need because Logan was just reading and Roman was just dozing in his lap, and neither of them had ever had a problem with Virgil interrupting before.

They had to just _do it,_ but somehow it seemed insurmountable. It was just one question, but one question that could ruin everything, and it would be all Virgil’s fault.

Just do it. Just _do it_ and get it over with, and then, at least, even if it was over, Virgil would at least _know._ A hollow victory, if it came to that.

Awkwardly power walking out of the kitchen, Virgil rushed to the couch and plopped down on the far end, startling Roman out of his half-sleep and making Logan look up curiously.

“I have to ask you something,” said Virgil, and, mortifyingly, their voice came out a pained croak, vibrating with anxiety, and Roman practically launched up as Logan set his book aside immediately, both of them moving closer with concerned expressions.

“What’s wrong?” said Roman softly, reaching for Virgil’s hand but immediately retracting it when Virgil flinched.

Swallowing, Virgil squeezed both their hands into fists on their knees.

“It’s- important,” they said, voice cracking, “But I won’t. I won’t be upset- with you, no matter what the answer is. You can tell me the truth, I won’t get mad.”

“Virgil,” said Logan quietly, “Everything is going to be fine. I am certain that whatever this question is, we will answer it honestly and work through any upset it may cause.”

“Right,” lied Virgil.

They picked nervously at their jeans.

“So-” they croaked, “You’re both. Um. Aro.”

Logan and Roman’s expressions took on identical baffled tints.

“…Yes?” said Roman, “As is… everyone who lives in this house, including you and Patton?”

But it was different with Patton, who _loved_ all the things that came with romance even if he didn’t feel the attraction. There was nothing _gray_ about Logan’s or Roman’s.

“Right,” the repeated, “And I’m-”

A lump was rising in Virgil’s throat, obstructing their ability to speak.

“I’m…”

“Virgil,” said Logan, reaching around Roman to offer his hand, palm up, but not quite reaching, “Is this about your quoiromanticism?”

Virgil bit harshly at the inside of their cheek.

“I _assure_ you,” said Logan firmly, “There is nothing about your orientation that upsets me.”

“ _Virgil,_ ” said Roman, a stricken look on his face, “Why did you think it would?”

“Because- because-” said Virgil, wavering, “I don’t- I don’t _know_ , how- how I love you. I can’t tell, it- it _could_ be romantic and- and it’s. Okay if you’re not okay with that.”

_With me,_ went unspoken, but Virgil felt it hanging in the air around the three of them like a fog of misery.

“I am more than just _okay_ with your orientation Virgil,” said Roman earnestly, “I can’t- Oh, _Virgil,_ may I please hold you?”

Virgil hesitated for a fraction of a moment, but then Roman opened his arms, and their resolve crumbled, crawling across the couch to curl up in his arms and unable to resist relaxing as soon as Roman’s fingers found their hair.

“Nothing about you could ever make me feel uncomfortable, dearest.” murmured Roman.

“I second this emphatically,” said Logan, taking Virgil’s hand and squeezing. “Your orientation is a part of you, and therefore it is something I love, and there is no other qualification necessary.”

“But-”

“No, no buts,” crooned Roman, holding them a little tighter and rocking slightly, “No catch, no anything. Just love. However you feel it, Virgil.”

“But if it _did-_ if it _did_ turn out it was romantic,” said Virgil, voice wobbling and eyes stinging with tears, “That- wouldn’t that make you uncomfortable?”

“If you eventually arrive at the conclusion that your attraction to us is romantic,” said Logan, “Will you be disappointed, or upset with Roman and myself, for not reciprocating in the same way?”

“I- what, no!” said Virgil, sitting up as much as they could when Roman had hold of them, “No, of course not!”

“Then I have no reason to be uncomfortable, dear.” said Logan, stroking their hand soothingly.

“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” said Roman, rubbing his face in Virgil’s hair, “I love _you_ , Virgil. Exactly as you are.”

Biting their lip, Virgil pressed their face further into Roman’s shirt.

“You’re _sure?_ ” said Virgil in a small voice.

“ _So_ sure.”

“There is no doubt in my mind,” said Logan firmly.

“Even if it’s romantic?”

“Even then,” Logan assured them, “You have never made even a token effort to transgress mine or Roman’s boundaries, Virgil. Your orientation has no bearing on my love or any of my feelings for you, save that it is part of _you_ and therefore endearing, as everything you do is.”

Roman pulled away a little, and Virgil couldn’t help but make a slightly forlorn noise, but Roman just cradled their face in both his hands and tenderly kissed their forehead.

“If you find you are romantically attracted to me,” he said teasingly, “I expect you to tell me immediately, as I very much want to gloat about being the only person Virgil Sharp ever successfully put a label on their attraction for.”

“ _Roman,_ ” whined Virgil, a smile tugging at the corners of their mouth, “Be serious.”

“I am!” exclaimed Roman, “It would be an _honor_ , Virgil. I love you, and you love me. The how doesn’t matter to me.”

All at once, the sting in Virgil’s eyes became a flood, and their vision wavered as their eyes filled with tears. Roman made a low, soothing noise in the back of his throat, pulling them back in to hold them against his chest once more, and Logan stood up from the couch and made his way around to Virgil’s other side, wrapping one arm around their waist from behind and laying his head on the back of their shoulder.

“Oh, dearheart,” said Roman softly, “How long has this been bothering you?”

Virgil bit their lip and didn’t answer.

_Forever_ , they thought, _before I even knew you loved me back, when this was only a dream. I thought you’d_ never _want me back, not like this. Not like I am._

“A while,” they choked out.

They felt Logan frown against their shoulder blade and then press his forehead there firmly.

“If you ever require further reassurance,” said Logan gently, “You need only ask. My answer will never change, and I will tell you as often as you need me to.”

“Every day, if I have to.” Roman agreed, “You could ask me ‘hey, Roman, do you love me with the whole of your heart?’ every hour on the hour and the answer will always be a resounding ‘yes, absolutely.’”

“You can’t know that.” said Virgil, trying to tamp down on the fluttering, glittering thrum of hope and adoration in _their_ heart.

“We do, actually.” said Logan firmly, “I knew your orientation from the inception of our relationship, Virgil.”

A soft snort.

“Both of them, if you remember,” he continued dryly.

He squeezed their side gently.

“I knew it then; I know it now. It changes nothing. Not my feelings, or our relationship. Nothing at all,” he finished, his voice ringing with finality.

Sniffling, Virgil reached up and tried to surreptitiously swipe away the tears gathering in the corners of their eyes with their sleeve. Roman made another crooning sound and kissed the top of their head.

“Okay,” they said quietly, “Thank you. And I love you, too.”

Then, they let out a little wet laugh, “However that is.”

“However indeed,” said Roman softly.

Tugging them firmly but gently, Roman maneuvered himself back and reclined against the arm of the couch, cradling Virgil against his chest. Logan followed them and wormed his way under both of their legs to drape them across his lap and rub soothing circles in Virgil’s ankle.

Virgil relaxed, their heart overflowing with joy and _love._

They weren’t sure what kind of love it was, but Virgil felt like eventually (and it might take a while), eventually that really would feel okay.

**Author's Note:**

> im also on tumblr @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors!


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